Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
