Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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