Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
