I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
