you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
