shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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