found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
