So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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