ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
