i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
