I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
