Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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