if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
