Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
FUCK WHALES
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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