i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
