We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
