Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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