My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
