If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
