So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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