hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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