If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
