I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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