Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
