Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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