just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
there is glitter all over my balls
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
