the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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