i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
