why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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