tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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