My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
