ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
