I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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