Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
