Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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