The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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