True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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