All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
