The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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