scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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