I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
