Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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