so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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