I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
