After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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