This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
