my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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