Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
