life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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