exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
