I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
