I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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