anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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