So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
