Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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