I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
