So drunk its hurt
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
