just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize