i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This girl is more easily done than said...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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