The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Randomize
