I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
