yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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