Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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