woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
