I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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