Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Alive.
So much puke
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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